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Peacemaking, Bullying and a Hamilton School Murder

I’ve had a bunch of blog ideas recently (so many that I haven’t been able to focus on actually finishing one), but something happened recently that I feel compelled to write about. A 14-year-old, Devan Selvey, was stabbed and killed outside of a Hamilton high school in front of his mom. Hearing about how this apparently sweet and kind kid was bullied for months, and then attacked and killed in front of his mother, shook me deeply. I don’t want to talk much about the specific incident, as that is all still under investigation, but I want to talk about some ills it may point to in our culture.

How to Stay Positive (When People Keep Telling You to "Stay Positive")

Some housekeeping: My writing New Year's resolution has hit a bit of a slowdown lately. However, even though I haven't been blogging much I have been working on the blog. I'm working on a new version of the blog that will be a much nicer and more user-friendly design. It will be much easier for people to find Julia's posts, and to generally navigate around the site. So stay tuned!

Today I want to talk about positive thinking. By this, I mean something quite specific. I'm not referring to research findings from positive psychology about how to create positive emotions. This is extremely important, as I'll cover.

Resolutions for a New Year - and a New Me

Making resolutions feels strange after experiencing deep loss. Any sort of planning or dreaming - is there any point when you know more of life's vicissitudes could be around the corner?

Reflections After 2 Years

Happy new year, folks! I hope you've all started off well with crushing those resolutions. I know I have, because one of my big ones is to write more! More on my resolutions in another blog post that will follow in the next few days.

For now, I'm going to share some reflections on where I've been and where I'm at in the grief department. This post will be about looking back and the next post will be about looking forward.

Ageless

Today, July 4th, 2018, would be Julia's 30th birthday. Though we still celebrate Julia, as we should, on this day, it's no longer her birthday. Or at least, it's no longer the day on which she transitions from one age to the next. She is now ageless.

Discovering the New Me

Major life events change you.

I'm not sure if this is a controversial statement or not but I get the sense that many people don't want to believe it. Many people are uncomfortable with the idea that you can't always be 100% in control of your identity. Many people think that you can always choose who you are, what you believe, the communities you can exist in. I think I used to believe that - I can't remember exactly - but if I did, I don't anymore.

Suffering, Abandonment, and the Cross - My Interview at Cobourg Alliance Church

To be honest, I have a hard time being honest. At least with people I don't know well. It's not usually because I'm ashamed of anything or hate talking about my struggles. It's usually just because I don't have the energy to engage in the long conversations that go along with opening up.

New Website is Live!

My new website is live! Finally.

A Birthday Party in the Wasteland

November 5th was my 30th birthday. I suppose turning 30 is strange for most people, saying goodbye to your 20s. But moving into a new decade of life is not the strangest thing about turning 30 for me. There has been so much change in my life recently that turning 30 almost loses its novelty in comparison. Maybe the lack of novelty is what's novel about it. Going through each day without Julia is still so strange that every other potentially strange thing just gets swallowed up by this deeper strangeness.

Fearing Pain

Growing up, I was a pretty fearful child. I don't think it was for any profound reason - that was just who I was. I was shy, fearful of social embarrassment. I wasn't too energetic, preferring the safety of sitting on the couch watching sports. I did play a lot of sports, but didn't play anything I wasn't decent at, fearful of causing my team to lose. I also feared pain.

Inching Forward

I’ve been distracted from blogging for a while (more on that below) so I wanted to write a brief post on some of my recent thoughts. You'll see why in the post below but some of my endeavours recently have been moving more slowly than I would like. This includes the new website I'm working on - there is progress being made and it will get done eventually but it may take a little bit. I want to do it right and as you'll see I only have so much capacity to put towards it right now. Thanks for your patience (as I'm sure you've all been constantly refreshing your browser in anticipation).

On Questioning

I'd like to discuss the idea of questioning God. I know this is a controversial topic, but I'm not sure that it should be. During Julia's and my long journey with her cancer, questions inevitably were raised about how God is working. We weren't actively looking to discredit God, and we still 100% believed He was working; but it was the nature of our situation that brought a confusion about how God was working and does work in general. I'm sure many of you can relate to this confusion brought about by life circumstances. 

Living with Grief

First, I’ll give a quick update on my happenings. I’ve been getting my house ready to Air BNB to help with the bills. That’s been a pretty good distraction and, hopefully, I can use it to witness and share Julia’s story more. Here’s the link if you know anybody who needs a short-term place to stay in Hamilton.

Reflections on Julia's Memorial Service

Julia's desire was that the blog would continue in some way after she passed. Although I will never be able to live up to how she chronicled her story in such a powerful way, and with such strength and peace from God, I will attempt to jot down some thoughts on here once in a while. I've had some time to process the events of January 7th, and wanted to share some thoughts, and some thanks.

Live Stream and Other Memorial Info

UPDATE - 01/13: To clarify, the live stream link below can also be used in perpetuity to watch the recorded video of the memorial service. So please pass this on to others who may want to watch it. It remains unsearchable right now. Also, if you'd like a copy of the gospel of John with Julia's picture/quote on it (given out at the service) we have some extras and can send them to you. Just email pamelabeacham@gmail.com with your mailing address. I've been dealing with a flu virus all week but I will post something soon with reflections from the day. 

Julia's Memorial Service

I want to begin by thanking you all for your amazing support over the last week or so. I have received so many messages there is no way I will be able to respond to all of them. Julia and I were always blown away by the support we received from family, friends, and total strangers. She would be, maybe is, smiling to know how much that support has continued for myself and Julia's family. 

Crown of Righteousness

This is Andy, Julia’s husband. As most of you are aware, Julia passed away in the early morning hours of Wednesday, December 21st.

Joy Unspeakable

We're home. Oh with such a thankful heart do I write that small but wonderful sentence. After spending two weeks in the hospital where we learned about the sudden regression of the cancer, faced many unknowns with the immediate future, had all sorts of tests and procedures, met with a variety of hospital doctors/teams and experimented with various medications and dosages, we finally came to the well-supported (and well-prayed for!) decision to receive palliative care in my parent's home.

Peace from the Hammock

My health has taken a significant turn for the worse. This past month, I've been at home bedridden for the majority of each day with worsened nausea, fluid retention with complications and general weakness restricting mobility. After having my abdomen and chest drained of 3L of fluid three weeks ago, my oncologist arranged for home care nurses to come morning and evening to give strong anti-nausea medication and IV hydration.