Major life events change you.
I'm not sure if this is a controversial statement or not but I get the sense that many people don't want to believe it. Many people are uncomfortable with the idea that you can't always be 100% in control of your identity. Many people think that you can always choose who you are, what you believe, the communities you can exist in. I think I used to believe that - I can't remember exactly - but if I did, I don't anymore.