Rest for the Weary

Last week I had a CT scan to determine the effectiveness of the oral drugs, which I had been taking for six weeks. The report came back to show that the cancerous tumours in my abdomen have continued to grow. Unfortunately the oral drugs have been ineffective. The scan also revealed that what they originally thought was post-surgery inflammation is actually more cancer lining my abdomen wall. There is also some fluid build up around my lungs again. Seeing as these oral drugs either work or they don't, I will stop taking the pills and we will try another treatment after consulting with our oncologists in Hamilton and Toronto over the next couple weeks.

Needless to say, we are disappointed by this news. We had hoped I'd be able to continue with those easy oral drugs throughout the summer months. And we had hoped and prayed that maybe, just maybe, those oral drugs would miraculously work with this difficult-to-treat low grade epithelial ovarian cancer. 

This news also comes at a time when we're just tired. Tired of the topic of cancer. Tired of the appointments. Tired of the decisions. Tired of disappointments. Tired of sharing bad news with family and friends. Tired of being the persons in need. Tired of living one step at a time. Tired of embracing new normals only to readjust. Tired physically, mentally and emotionally from it all. We're tired. 

As I was reflecting on all of the above, it dawned on me that the verse my prayer girls and I had been memorizing for the past few weeks is this...

"Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, 

and I will give you rest. 

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, 

for I am gentle and humble in heart 

and you will find rest for your souls. 

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

 - Matthew 11:28-30

Those verses are the exact reminders I need. After a year with this cancer diagnosis, going through all sorts of appointments, treatments and surgeries, I suppose it's understandable that we're feeling tired by cancer. It's a burden that interferes with the life we had imagined. It's made me weary physically, but also a lot of us weary emotionally, mentally and spiritually. 

Jesus' chief purpose during his thirty years on earth was to save us so we could be made right with God and have eternal life. What amazes me is that in addition to that incredibly high calling, Jesus was so gentle, humble and compassionate with the individuals he interacted with. For example, in the above verses Jesus doesn't push aside or ignore the weary or burdened. Instead He does the complete opposite; He beckons them to come to Him. When we're burdened, weighed down, at the end of ourselves, God doesn't expect that we pick up the pieces alone and just "figure it out". Instead He calls us to come to Him in our broken state. 

Whew. Honestly, that promise alone gives me rest. It's a reminder that this is not about me. It's not about dealing with everything "well". It's about coming to God in my brokenness. It's about sharing with God, through prayers and journalling, my raw emotions and disappointments. It's about being reminded that He is a good God that wants to spend time with me whether I'm praising or wrestling. It's about trusting Him, knowing His ways are far beyond my comprehension. It's about surrender. And as I continually come to God and give over the burdens of cancer, I will continue to experience His rest, peace, strength and joy. In the simplicity of just coming, the burden becomes lighter.