Looking Up

As I've searched for an eloquent way to update all of our amazing supporters, blog readers and prayer warriors, I've struggled to find words.  While the surgery went better than expected, the past two weeks of recovery have been filled with challenges.

The surgery itself was incredibly successful in removing all visible cancer in my abdomen.  Praise God for answering the thousands of people praying over my surgical teams and operating room!  We are so grateful to each of you for praying.  It is unbelievably encouraging to know that friends, families, prayer groups and churches across the world were praying on September 9th.  I was blown away that people who didn't even know myself or our families were committed to pray and that friends/family of ours who shared that although they weren't typically prayer people, they were choosing to faithfully pray.  The genuine awe and excitement on the faces of my surgeons post-surgery points to God's miraculous guidance and healing hand during surgery.  Thank you for praying.

I was so focused on pursuing peace going into the big surgery date on September 9th, that I was quite caught off guard by the challenges of recovery that followed.  Aside from my body adjusting to the loss of so many items in my abdomen, more than I can even recite, my left leg has significant nerve damage.  This likely happened as a result of a combination of factors; the epidural, 12 hours of lying flat in surgery and the invasive surgery itself.  I cannot feel my leg from my hip down to mid-calf. My physiotherapist believes these nerves will eventually regenerate after 3-4 months of using a walker.  Trying to walk for the first time after surgery was humbling, my family cheering as I took one measly step with my walker and two nurses helping.  I'm slowly making tiny progress each day. Please pray for complete healing of my left leg, while praying that I'd find a way to glorify and trust Him despite this setback.  

These past two weeks have been the most difficult in my life.  The "patient in affliction" portion of my Romans 12:12 verse has become all the more real and challenging.  My personality is to set goals, achieve them quickly and then set new ones.  I am not patient, but boy has this recovery demanded patience when I make tiny progress one day and then experience new setbacks the next.  There were moments in the hospital and after moving into my parents' house last week that I just felt so discouraged by the whole situation.  

It is in that place of discouragement and uncertainty that I've been reminding myself of Hebrews 12:2, "fix my eyes on Jesus." Why would this be helpful amidst suffering?  How would looking to Jesus make the reality of these challenges any easier?  The answer is this: He knows suffering.  I'm struck by God's relentless love for mere humans.  In love, He experienced the mockery, betrayal, shame and physical pain of dying on the cross.  He is no stranger to suffering, pain and discouragement.  And it is because of His suffering that we can have faith and life.  It is because of His suffering that I can not grow weary and lose heart.  It is because of His suffering that I can run with perseverance the long road ahead.

He's not a god detached from human experiences and emotions.  He's not a god eager to rule with an iron fist.  God, who created the universe by spoken word, chose suffering.  In doing so, He chose relationship instead of vengeance in response to our rebellion.  I don't know of any other religion where the god chooses suffering out of love for humanity.  The humility and unconditional love demonstrated by Jesus' death on the cross is my ultimate source of hope and joy.  As I experience some of the darkest moments of my life, I will continue to fix my eyes on Jesus because He knows suffering and He loves me.  Praise God!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, 

let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, 

and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, 

who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, 

and sat down at the right hand of the thrown of God.  

Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men 

so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." 

- Hebrews 12:1-3