A Birthday Party in the Wasteland

November 5th was my 30th birthday. I suppose turning 30 is strange for most people, saying goodbye to your 20s. But moving into a new decade of life is not the strangest thing about turning 30 for me. There has been so much change in my life recently that turning 30 almost loses its novelty in comparison. Maybe the lack of novelty is what's novel about it. Going through each day without Julia is still so strange that every other potentially strange thing just gets swallowed up by this deeper strangeness.

Fearing Pain

Growing up, I was a pretty fearful child. I don't think it was for any profound reason - that was just who I was. I was shy, fearful of social embarrassment. I wasn't too energetic, preferring the safety of sitting on the couch watching sports. I did play a lot of sports, but didn't play anything I wasn't decent at, fearful of causing my team to lose. I also feared pain.

Inching Forward

I’ve been distracted from blogging for a while (more on that below) so I wanted to write a brief post on some of my recent thoughts. You'll see why in the post below but some of my endeavours recently have been moving more slowly than I would like. This includes the new website I'm working on - there is progress being made and it will get done eventually but it may take a little bit. I want to do it right and as you'll see I only have so much capacity to put towards it right now. Thanks for your patience (as I'm sure you've all been constantly refreshing your browser in anticipation).

On Questioning

I'd like to discuss the idea of questioning God. I know this is a controversial topic, but I'm not sure that it should be. During Julia's and my long journey with her cancer, questions inevitably were raised about how God is working. We weren't actively looking to discredit God, and we still 100% believed He was working; but it was the nature of our situation that brought a confusion about how God was working and does work in general. I'm sure many of you can relate to this confusion brought about by life circumstances. 

Living with Grief

First, I’ll give a quick update on my happenings. I’ve been getting my house ready to Air BNB to help with the bills. That’s been a pretty good distraction and, hopefully, I can use it to witness and share Julia’s story more. Here’s the link if you know anybody who needs a short-term place to stay in Hamilton.

Reflections on Julia's Memorial Service

Julia's desire was that the blog would continue in some way after she passed. Although I will never be able to live up to how she chronicled her story in such a powerful way, and with such strength and peace from God, I will attempt to jot down some thoughts on here once in a while. I've had some time to process the events of January 7th, and wanted to share some thoughts, and some thanks.

Live Stream and Other Memorial Info

UPDATE - 01/13: To clarify, the live stream link below can also be used in perpetuity to watch the recorded video of the memorial service. So please pass this on to others who may want to watch it. It remains unsearchable right now. Also, if you'd like a copy of the gospel of John with Julia's picture/quote on it (given out at the service) we have some extras and can send them to you. Just email pamelabeacham@gmail.com with your mailing address. I've been dealing with a flu virus all week but I will post something soon with reflections from the day.